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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Wow I'm looking at my subscription list and I see that many celebrities used to write in their xangas. Of course like everyone else, they stopped updating. I have Mandy Moore on my list, Clay Aiken, and Michelle Branch! That was back in 2005 or somethin o_O
I spoke to Andre today on the phone:) ! He always knows the right thing to say to me because he is in a similar situation and he gives me his support for Japan. Too bad he's in Florida. I met him in the hotel when I was in ft. lauderdale for an audit. Did I ever talk about Florida? Well I hate that state. It's lame, boring, and humid. And believe me, there is nothing there. I don't know why they built the godly world of Disney there but that was totally wrong of them to do that. The streets are weird, the people look confused, and not to mention the crowd. You want to party on a Friday night? Then you will be partying with a bunch of older folks. If you know Florida, then you know they have the highest senior population of all states, simply because it's cheap to retire there. And oh believe me I saw it. I went out every night drinking after work and they take up the entire bar and restaurant. The male population is so much higher there too it seems. I swear one out of two persons was an elderly.
So whatever.
I've been working 80hrs a week.
It's kind of getting to me because this Sunday is NASCAR in LA and they only come here like twice a year. NASCAR is a hardcore redneck sport so they tend to stay afloat over there in the east. This is a great opportunity to attend; it'd be my first race. I was looking forward to going for sooooooo many months, really was. And now that it is finally here, I can't go. I have to work. Yay..*sarcasm*
No worries, they'll be back in LA around the fall time. Though I'm probably not even gonna be here!
Tomorrow I'd like to list all my "what if" scenario concerns regarding my career change.
More to come!
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| It is cold. The gas in this heater in this apartment is turned OFF, not like I would use it anyway - I am trying to "conserve" money energy. Yes..
You probably thought I'd be at my wits right about now right? Wrong!:)
That's only because the controller has nothing for us to work with. She is super busy as it is. Oh gawd so I'm sitting in this room next to the billing/collections lady who is like Chinese with a Japanese last name? And like the entire time, she hums. She's been doing that since I arrived last week at the office. I mean this is like unheard of, usually people hum for a minute or two but she hums for 8 hrs with no pauses! Unbelievable right?! AND THERE'S NOT EVEN A REAL MELODY TO IT, the worst part.
And another client. Wow this one is terrible. I mean they have a pretty sophisticated IT system yet they never record expenses properly or any records for that matter. So I come in and I spend weeks on this thing trying to sort their books. It's like a spider web, very tangled and intricate, their mess that is..
Why am I talking about trivial things.. Anyway I don't have anything better to write, though I should get back to writing my audit reports =S. But I'd much rather write about nothing!! Speaking of writing about nothing, I want to go gambling..
Oh and my xanga inbox was suddenly flooded with 46 messages all from spam, stupid!
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| You know who is annoying? Those people who complain about people who complain about Valentines day. Because they have a significant other and tell all the loners that they are annoying because they don't have a significant other like they do. Yeah I'm bitter, so what, let me bitch and complain and ruin your gay vday. k1Ss mah fuxxxin a$$ beotches. I'm not gonna be the one going through a god awful divorce battle.
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I just got to do it. May is coming and I got to do it in May, gotta gotta.
*Sigh* Now it is February 8th and May is about three months down the road. How much more of this hell can I endure? I think I am almost at my limit. What will happen when I've reached that limit? I start to cry sadly thinking about what will become of me. I don't want to lose my mind and become the insane asylum's new residential in-patient. I am scared. I need help. Today was a very lonely day...
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| Everyday is a shitty day. Without happiness, my life is nothing, there's no meaning. There is nothing to live for yet I still live. I am finding my purpose in life though. I have no friends or family here, I come home to no one everyday but a lonely apartment with trash piling everywhere, empty beer bottles toppling over and unfinished frozen dinner packages rotting. No matter how you put it, I'm a mess, inside & out.
I never ever realized that loneliness could do this to a person. I had always thought being alone was the best thing, I didn't have to share anything, my feelings, my money, my material wealth, anything. When in fact, it's turned me into a deranged, delirious, and bitchy person -- being alone. How can I fix this? No matter how hard I try to steer into positivity, my mind cannot, will not flow that direction and thus will return to its normal cycle of fear and paranoia. It is no longer in my nature to simply give people my trust; it isn't even anything they can earn. This is why I am very lonely and live this sad life. I just don't get it, when we were younger, they always told us to be wary of others, then my therapist says I need to believe, have more faith in people and trust, yet when you give that to them, they turn around and stab you right in the back. How can I ever want to trust anyone ever again?! I cannot and will not forgive.
ぜったゆるすない。
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